Master Chew's Mission Impossible
by Kitsune-and-Neko
Summary: Summary: What is this story about? Let’s ask the experts. Master Chew? “Your mission is to go through millions upon millions of hordes of monsters. Your goal is just to see if you can survive it.” This is the part where you go WHAT?


Master Chew's Mission Impossible

By Kitsune

Summary: What is this story about? Let's ask the experts. Master Chew? "Your mission is to go through millions upon millions of hordes of monsters. Your goal is just to see if you can survive it." This is the part where you go WHAT?  
  
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A/N: This is my attempt at a humor story. MWAAHAHAHAHAHA! R&R  
  
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In the year 2051 all of humanity had been destroyed. All that remained behind were the vampires and dogs. All except for a little human kid...  
  
A boy about 17 walked up to her and knelt down, turning his head to the sky. "This is not our storyline Narrator." Whatever you say...  
  
Fine, since our boy doesn't want to be where humanity doesn't exist we'll go to where it does. "Don't call me boy!" Shut up will you! Anyway...  
  
In a distant land, hidden to the humans that didn't live there, martial arts ruled the people there. Pathetic right! "WHAT?" No offense to martial arts students or other fans of it. ; "Don't put a face when you are the narrator!" WHY DON'TYOU SHUT UP LAO! "Never." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  
  
Back to our story. Our main, and annoying, character lives in such a place. Every day he trains under the Master Chew of the ♠ï§ïï¹ï¸ï fighting style. "NARRATOR!" What do you want this time? "THAT IS NOT OUR FIGHTING STYLE! I CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE IT!" That's because it is in an alien language. Human translation is the Dragon-strike style, known to take down enemies in seconds. Lao, as our character is known as, is Master Chew's number one student and has been training since he was four, when his parents passed away...  
  
Lao struck the air, his tan skin showing years of training under the sun. His brown hair and black training gi waved in the gentle wind. A voice called out to him, a young teen running up over the hill. His hazel eyes flashed to the teen that was dressed in a white gi, proving his rank was lower. "What do you want, Silverhead?" he asked. Silverhead, as the young teen was known as, earned his nickname by his silver hair and eyes. Anyway, he's unimportant to our story. Continuing.  
  
Silverhead bowed to Lao. "Lao, Master Chew searches for you," he huffed, falling onto his face after he finished. Lao nodded and walked on over him, stepping on his body a few times. Once Lao was out of hearing range, Silverhead peeled himself off the ground and shook a weak but angry fist. "You could at least apolo...gize..."  
  
Lao slammed the door open to the dojo and stared at the person named Master Chew, an old man who could barely move his _own_ body, but could teach many untrained people to use the Dragon-strike. Lao bowed in front of Master Chew respectively, the dragon tattoo on his arm shining in the dim candlelight. "What is my mission this time?"  
  
"Your mission is to go through millions upon millions of hordes of monsters. Your goal is just to see if you can survive it," Master Chew replied. Sound familiar? That's because it's what the summary is!  
  
Lao sweatdropped. "WHAT?" he shouted. Master Chew sighed.  
  
"You heard me. These monsters are the last part of your training. Now go!" A blue swirling portal appeared at the exit of the dojo. Lao stared at it.  
  
"Fine. Good-bye Master Chew." He walked into the portal. Naturally, like any good evil portal that leads you to the place you are more than likely going to find death at, Lao felt sharp pains and as if his body was being torn in two.  
  
It was an hour after the pain-ride ended that he actually woke up. Wolves were surrounding him and beginning to chew on his bones. Oh wait; scratch that. That was Bob who was being eaten. Anyway, Lao was sitting in a village... err... laying in a village. He sat up slowly and looked around. It was kind of primitive, the only light coming from the green cauldron in the center. "GREEN?" Lao shouted as he stared at the cauldron.

A man wearing white furs looked back at the boy. "Yes, our flame is green. Do you find this unnatural?" he asked. Lao nodded. The man held out his hand and the cauldron turned our basic flames of orange, red and yellow. "There, you stupid earthling."  
  
Lao sighed and leaned back, staring at the flames, watching them twist and turn into different shapes. An earthquake began to shake the cauldron, making it fall over and all the wood that was lit fell out of it. The house also caught flame. The man inside burned up and Lao, like every good and annoying main character, made it out miraculously.  
  
People huddled around him, obviously other members in the village. A girl in white furs like the man stepped forward. "You killed the leader! KILL HIM!" the girl shouted, pointing a finger. All the people obeyed. Our famous, or infamous, hero, or enemy, held up his hands.  
  
"Why do you torture me so? What did I do to you, Narrator? First, you put me in the wrong story where all the humans are dead except me and a girl; then you shove me into a position where my parents are dead and my master can't move; then some idiot comes and interrupts my training. Then I go into the dojo and get put into a horrible portal that leads me to a place where I have no chance of surviving; then you try and make me eaten by wolves—!" You weren't supposed to know that. "WELL I DO! And after I get relaxed, even though I was called stupid, you light the house on fire, make me kill the village leader and then some chick—a cute one I might add—orders the people to kill me!" Actually, you keep on countering my comments, so no... I don't like you. Anyway, ignoring this fact, Lao stood up and ran from the angry primitive people that might as well be called apes. So, from now on they are primates. Oh, by the way, Lao? Thanks for summarizing the story. "... No problem..."  
  
Lao ducked into a forest, easily losing the villagers. Which was strange since they lived next to the forest so they SHOULD know the place like the back of their hands. Of course they don't know about soap so maybe the back of their hands isn't visible. Anyway, after a few moments Lao climbed down from the tree and looked around. The villagers popped up out of no where like Pop Rocks™. A girl dropped from the tree, another person dressed in white furs, and pulled him away, knocking down all the other people with her spear. Lao was led into a tree trunk, which had a door that matched the tree and hid the hollowed inside. Our favorite, but evil to the narrator, hero turned to thank the girl but stopped, realizing it was the girl who issued the attack. "Why did you...? Wait a second, I thought you wanted me dead!"  
  
"Oh? The order to kill you? That was fun, wasn't it?" When she received a glare from Lao, she shook her head. "I was testing my new rule."  
  
"So I was your toy?" Lao hissed. The girl shook her head.

"No. Well yes... but not anymore. Right after they started the chase, the medics in town realized I ran away with the wolves again earlier. So, I'm kicked out. Anyway, I'm Mononoke®. I'm a princess who somehow ended up being raised by wolves with no knowledge of who I truly was, but for this story I'm a girl who was raised under the leader but loves wolves." Lao blinked as she said this.  
  
"Okay...? I'm Lao, the boy who lost his parents when he was four and then was raised under a handicapped master. Oh and since I'm the main character of the story, I have the ability to talk to the narrator and hear what she says." Oh yeah, forgot that he could hear EVERYTHING. No going into evil plots on the other side of the story then .  
  
Mononoke® nodded and took off her furs, revealing green hair. Lao instinctively grabbed onto it and yanked. "OW! What was that for?" Mononoke replied.

"So... it's real?" the boy-who-was-sent-out-to-die asked. Mononoke nodded. "OF COURSE IT IS!" Surprisingly, the villagers outside didn't hear her. Mononoke sighed and turned to the back of the trunk. Lao put one hand on the wall and dragged it across the bark.

"You know, this tree is amazingly large inside, but outside it looks like a tiny cherry tree."  
  
"That's because it's enchanted you idiot."

"Hey don't call me that! Only the Narrator can do so!" Lao stood up and pointed a finger at Mononoke.  
  
"Who said?" Mononoke replied. Suddenly her hair turned into a bright shade of tickle-me-pink. I did, Mononoke, I did.

Lao laughed and leaned against the tree. Mononoke turned around; scanning the ground for acorns left by squirrels who thought it was a place to hide them for the winter. Wait, but it's no where near winter! Why did they put acorns there? Oh shoot, where did Lao go? Why isn't he responding? NOOO! LAO! Did we lose you to the depths of the underworld a—nope, he fell through a hole. I knew that.

Once more, our hero had managed to fall unconscious. Mononoke jumped down the tunnel that Lao found, and landed next to him. "Lao, this is no time to sleep," she growled. Lao didn't stir, but something else did. Mononoke searched frantically around, now not liking the place. But was outside any better?


End file.
